Find Yourself.

Hi.......depressing day ain't it? Well, it is......for me. Whether it be directly or indirectly. I am totally sad....Okay, maybe not that bad, but still, it's not a very nice start to a Monday. Yeah. There's been deaths. Again. Damn it.

But neways, I'll start on my topic first hand. Yeah....it's kind of a thing I've been thinking of lately. Finding yourself. In what sense? Well, in the sense that you actually know what you are, and who you are, and so on. Because I realize, hey, I might not actually be the person I ought to be.....Or, just simply, I'm being somebody else....I'm being a hypocrite, I'm being who I am not. Well, that kind of 'finding yourself'. So, I've got a few thoughts up my head.....and so, I figured my blog is a good place to paste it on.....so, yeah, here it is:-

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" Do you wake up in the morning, thinking......who am I really? Do you wake up thinking, maybe........you're not who you think you are.....you might be living a lie out of it all? Or just perhaps, you're not being who you want to be...... In the sense that, you've been forced to be someone else entirely, just because someone else wants you to be, or asked you to be, or worse, forced you to be. Well, I'm not suggesting a 'Matrix' here, but just being purely suggestive on the psychological part of it.

Well, maybe you all, being sane people, just couldn't care less. Haha. Yeaps, but me, having too much time to linger with my thoughts, have thought of it...and somehow, I can link those things to my daily life. Yeah, and so, I actually looked back in time and looked at myself, and what I was, and now, what I've become. When I come to contrast both of them, it's all different. Long ago, let's see, take, the first half of my life, when I was a kid, and when I was a primary school child. I was like......hm.......take the example of...."All I see is rainbows, good people, and decent people.......Study is good! Study is fun.......but I love games too~ And girls? Nah......" Ehem. Yeah, it's roughly like that....but less exaggerated. Hehe. For shorts, I'm a bloody innocent kid, with great views towards the worlds, no worries, and all I care about, results, and also.....how to beat that last boss of that game I like.....

And to be said, I actually stayed that way until form 1. Ah....then, bring forth the transformation! After that period of time actually, being exposed to so much of evil and scrutiny, I kinda turned myself inside out. What do I mean? Well, I changed, like....alot. From innocent kiddy, to some....'knowledgeable' guy. Knowledgeable in that sense, you know..........'that' thing.....and yeah. Also, the swearing comes into play......Eventhough I don't say the F word, I still consider myself as swearing when I say all that 'shit' and that 'bloody'. It's been such a custom, it's weird not to say it anymore. Hmm...

Yeah, apart from the mentality and all that, I actually don't study that much anymore.....I've become a goddamn slacker. I know that if I do study, I can be a above average student, but here I am, always skimming on the sides of the podium, getting number 7s, or number 8s.....or okaylah, number 5s. I can't even get close to that top 3 anymore. It's almost impossible, for I have exiled my spirit to study intentively. Now all I can do is dream of it. Lol. Yeaps, what's more? Now.....I'm as vain as ever. Vain! It never crossed my mind as one of the properties I might bear. Now I'm vain, caring about how my hair, face and clothes look like.......It's horrible. Heh. Well, yeah.

Actually, when I come to think of it.....It's actually all because of the people I mix with. What they do, I kinda get mixed up in all the chaos. All the swearing, all the roughness, and all those slacking in studies. But then I must thank god too that I now mix with bloody kiasus. It makes me one. So yeah, for better or for worse, I'm actually studying also, despite all the chaos among us. Just that, I'm like a rojak because of that. Half of me is into the 'hip' things, the other half, study...........It creates internal affairs in myself. Lol. But anyways, I'm still thankful that I still bear some of the good qualities in life, being able to STAY in class, not getting out of it, being able to still, be in good terms with the teachers, following the law......and still keeping all my good friends by my side. Yeaps. I'm grateful for that will power.

Well, as a conclusion, it actually doesn't matter who we are does it? Haha. What I think matters now is that you change for the better, be a better person, and what not. But sometimes, we've still gotta have that dark side somewhere inside huh? Just in case.... ; )"

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Yeah.....sorry for the lousy post. But.....still gotta do it ya? =)

Yup.......I knew you all would understand......thank you! XD

By the way, I would like to dedicate this post to the late Steve Irwin aka Crocodile Hunter, even though it's got nuts to do with him. He was a good man, and I believe he would find a good place in heaven, or he would have a better life in the next. Let us pray for him.........[Steve Irwin - 22nd February 1962 - 4th September 2006]

We will all miss him.

Joe>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Out.