Life's Troubles.

Hey, it's been a while since I've updated, but well, here I am sitting on this chair, in front of my comp, with nobody else at home.......alone. I just finished what I needed to do and I thought it was just right that I blogged.

About what I'm gonna blog, well, it's a general topic but based on my experiences. It's like a monologue or perhaps a philosophy or somewhat. Oh well, whatever. What's it about again? Yeah, life's troubles and screw ups. But what I really want to say is what makes life seem wrong at times. Makes me think, am I living in a dream or something, a la The Matrix. Well, here goes.

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Actually, why this topic came to mind is because, my life has been pretty wierd lately. Everything seems to be turning weirder and weirder. Not too bad but yeah, there's some pretty notable bad things. Firstly, let's see.....ah yes, family. Don't get me wrong, there's no family quarrels or what but for quite some time now, I've seen my uncles and aunts cry. There has been something that's been going on and I don't find it comfortable to tell you here. But you can discard the thought of scrutiny, betrayal and illoyalty. There's nothing wrong with the relationship. It's something more.....unexpected after so long. It kinda struck me as a surprise and well, it struck my uncles and aunts pretty much too. Gah, let's not talk about it then. It's not fun to think about.

Secondly, what? School? Hmm. Perhaps. Let's see what's wrong with school. Ah! Yes! I remember now. Lately, I've been pretty slacking for school. As in, I don't really feel like going to school. Don't really feel like studying. There's no push. All the crap Pn.Chong gives us, all the rules they bind us with, all the stupid fines. Not only that, some of teachers are lame. Very lame. Plus, tons of homework and assignments. Where the hell do we get the time to fit that all in schedule along with revision? God knows. All in all, there's just no flair in this schooling thing so far. Everything's so political and so....corrupted. Not mentioning the tediousness and vainness. Where has the fun gone to? Has it left school to settle at somewhere else? Where's the interest? Has it also left me alone? Only time can tell.

Then, comes the last thing I would like to mention. Love life. It's been so dull. So very very dull. The one has been out of touch for at least 3 weeks. I feel discouraged, I feel put aside, I feel lonely. There's no one to tell how you feel to. There's no one to smile to with love. There's no one to truly understand how I'm feeling. There's just an empty space in my heart. And lately, there's been alot of sparks here and there, and my heart tempting me to light that spark and let it brighten up my path. Of course, I've been thinking of falling to temptation. Thinking of letting go. Thinking of holding another's hands, looking at another's eyes, telling another that I love her. Time after time I've been tempted to do so. Countless times I've resisted. It's hard to do. I'm sure you know how it is. For example, there are gold all over the place, waiting for me to pick them up. But I have a piece of rock that I somehow think that will turn into diamond someday. Carrying that rock in my heart, I walk the road paved with gold and jewels that shine at me with glee. You know that feeling? That feeling of wanting to put down that piece of rock and picking up those pieces of gold. But you know what? Me, being so loyal out of god-knows-what reason. I hold on to that rock. On what circumstances? Because I've placed that rock in my heart since long ago. And I still believe that rock will turn into a piece of diamond someday. And while that rock remained in my heart, I have seen the beauty of the jewels and gold around me. I've considered to let go of my rock and thought, why not pick up the piece of jewel? By the way, that piece of rock might not be a piece of diamond anyway. For all you know, it might just turn into dust one fine day, leaving not a trace of diamond, nor gold. I'll be left with nothing. I'll then be without gold nor jewels either, because everyone else has already picked them up, while I held on to that rock. I really don't know what to do. It's like gambling. And I hate to lose. I do not know to either trust faith or trust reality. My mind's in a whirlpool of thoughts. Help me.

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And so, I've told the troubles of my life. Main problem? <3>
It's really irritating ya know. Being so indecisive. Being afraid that if I do this, that will happen and if I do that, this will happen. It's all a total breakdown. Should I let her go and go for another? Or shoul I hold on to that piece of rock? You tell me. But really,

"All I Needed Was A Girl Who'll Be There For Me"

Joe>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Out. [Lost In Thought]