Alone.

Ohhh, this word tells alot I tell you. I've been alone the whole day. Since morning till now. And it doesn't feel right, I tell you.

I woke up at 10 today. Was quite sober, eventhough I slept at around 1 yesterday. Well, that didn't matter. So, I woke up and the first thing I noticed was.......there's no one at home. Okay, excluding my mom, dad and little brother. They were all at somewhere else two days ago already. So, that leaves my big bro. He's already out when I woke up. -_- So....it just means I have to do everything myself and alone. Yesterday wasn't like this. I woke up earlier. And I wasn't alone. Basically, I got to tag along with him and eat out. But today.......was different. Breakfast.......egg sandwiches my mom made before she left......had them....alone. Nevermind. Then I went upstairs to spend a little quality time with the comp. No one significant was online. So I was still alone.

Before I knew it, it was noon. So, that means lunch. What did I find out? My bro's not coming back yet. Here's the full story. He called actually, and asked me if I wanted to go for lunch, he and his friends can come pick me up. BUT then, he said, if I was to go.....I won't be coming back home for quite a while. I gotta hang around at his friend's house. I didn't want to. What can I even do there? Nothing. So, I said no and he said, aiyoh, then you gotta find some way.....then I said, no problems, I can find food for myself. Dooooooot. There goes the phone. And there goes my little spark of hope. Sooooooooooooo, without another thought, I knew I had to either get out there, on my bike, to ta pau food, or cook. I chose to ride my bike.

So, there I go....on my adventure to.......get food. Equipped only with my wallet and house keys, I set out through my front gate and cycled down the street. In the hot afternoon sun, it's not much of a joy ride. It was scorching, I tell you. After a torturing 5 minute ride to the shop lots of USJ 2. There I am, at my destination. It was still scorching hot. I ta pau-ed chow kuey teow and then set my home again. How convinient. =_= So then, kayuh kayuh kayuh, avoid cars, avoid cars, avoid cars, and a final stretch uphills.......there I am, infront of my house gate. It was still scorching hot.

Then, I strut my way inside, with my aching butt and legs, set up the table, grabbed a drink from the fridge and sat on the chair. Food was never this hard to get. It was like playing a game. "Go to this specific location, retrieve the object and return to base." And wow, was it rewarding? No. I was heck tired when I got back, so my chau kuey teow didn't taste spectacular too. Maybe my taste buds were tired too? Heh. There I was eating my food when I realized something very very perculiar on my plate. What was it? It was black, tiny, and fried. It was a f***ing fly. Sorry for the language, but it was that surprising. I was already three quarters finished. The most surprising thing was, I took the fly with my chopsticks, set it aside, and then continued eating. It didn't strike me until after I finished the thing. God.

What's worse than having to get food? Having to wash the utensils and plates and stuff after eating. I was still alone, so I had to wash them, along with a few containers I left unwashed yesterday. Nevermind, that was nothing. After that, went upstairs and spent quality time with my PS. Mind you, my comp was still on. So, on the PS, I was playing this game called Suikoden 5 and its storyline is superb. It's like reading a great story while deciding how the main character will act. Cool stuff. After seeing treason, friendship, deaths of family members and hatred, I realized it was 5 something already, almost 6. Damn. My comp was still on, I was downloading a soundtrack. The thing is.......I'm still alone.

I decided to take a break at that point. I went down, munched a couple of sandwiches, freshen up and I sat in the living room.....alone. I turned on the TV, watched a crazy taiwanese show on AEC while folding the clothes I brought in this morning. It was 6 something after I finished all that. Then I realized that I stink and decided to take a bath. Took my time......and when I was done, it was already getting dark outside. The house was gloomy and I need not tell you what was going through my mind. It was 7 when I decided to call my bro about when is he eating. I was thinking of tagging along so I wouldn't need to go through that trouble of getting food myself again. And after all, it's already dark. Riding my bike out would mean inviting a car to crash into you. So, I called him and asked him that question. He said that when he is leaving to come and get me, he'll miss call me. Okay, sure, why not?

It was 8.30. I was watching F1 out of bore. And I was already all sleepy waiting for that one miss call. Suddenly, my phone rings! Wa-la! I'm saved! He's coming! After around 3 minutes, that's enough time for me to change into more decent clothing, grab the stuff I need and off the telly..........he calls. This time it's not a miss call. I answered it and I said..."Yeah?" And he said, "Hey, we don't have enough space in the car for you, can I ta pau for you?" he sounded very guilty. I said "Nah, I'll get my own food.". He said "I'm sorry ya....". I said "Nevermind." and then hung up. Hiding all the frustration and anger behind my cool tone, I sighed. How am I supposed to get food now? It's hell dark and there's now way I'm gonna cycle my way out there in this darkness. There was only one option. Cook.

I placed all the things I put in my pocket out again and walked into the kitchen. What was I cooking? What else? Maggi Mee Goreng. So the process begins, take the pot, fill with water, heat till boil, put in mee, ready the seasoning on plate, wait until mee cooks, put meeon plate, stir until the seasoning is evened out among the mee, eat. It's easier said than done. But I've never tasted maggi mee this good. It was an unexplainable joy. Then I took the plate of mee out to the living room and watched F1 while eating. I was alone. After eating, there was hell of alot of stuff to clean, including the pots. Sigh, done 'em and watched F1 till it ended. At least I was already full, I thought. It was already 10 when F1 ended, so I went upstairs and sat here, infront of the computer, blogging.

Even now, at 11, (I've been bloggin for an hour now), I'm still alone. It's not a nice feeling. Nobody significant is online and I'm about to end this post. Basically, my day has been a simulation of what life has in hold for me. Life out there.....alone. I don't like the looks of it. Well, I gotta be ready for it somehow. No one's gonna help me with this. I've just ate all of my meals alone, all of the food are produced of my own effort and all the cleaning up was of my own effort too. Wow. And one more thing, the silence is no fun. It makes you imagine things, ya hear? Phew.....better not start seeing things. XD

Heh, at least I've still got my sense of humour. Seriously, I need to get out somehow tomorrow. I refuse to stay confined. Damn. And, I can't believe you just read all of this, (if you really did), but thanks anyway for giving a damn about how my life is. Thanks there. Ooops, almost forgot, gotta thank my friend, Su Yi, for saying the best thing today to me. She actually ALREADY bought my present for my birthday. How freakin' sweet is that? Thanks alot Su Yi! You just made my day! Well, I guess I'll see ya in the next post. And I hope I won't be alone on that post. Till then, keep your friends and family close...=)

Joe>>>>>>>>>>Out. [Birthday on 16/6]

Again.

Yeah, second post of the day. As I've stated in my previous one in the afternoon. See? I kept my word. Heheh.

So......okay. Today. Wasn't what I taught it would be. Erm, today is Teacher's Day Celebration. It was one of the most boring teacher's day ever. Total......disaster. Er, maybe not. It was okay. But I'll point out some of the things that were shitty. First thing. The very first thing in the morning. The assembly part. Goodness......was it boring or what. There were FOUR speeches. One from Pn. Wang on behalf of the Sipon guy, one from Pn. Zaleha, one from Sara, and another from Pn.Rosalind, the PIBG VIP.....yeah....

The fact that there is FOUR speeches is bad enough. What makes it worse is the fact that the speeches were also bad. The one thing I wanna point out is why the hell did they ask Pn. Wang to read the freaking speech from the Sipon guy? I sympathise with her....she had to read all that Alhamdullilah shit while she's not a muslim. Those should be left for muslims lah......Why couldn't they ask Datin to read it or something...sheesh. And Rosalind. Goodness gracious. She is like......gah. She mixed malay and english in her speech. And it was horrible. Total horribility. You should've seen her stutter half way with her malay and poof, comes out a english sentence out of no where. With all due respect, I'm not saying she sucks or anything. She just should work on her public speaking skills......

Okay, then there was a freaking long recess phase. Total waste of good time. Nothing happened during that time. It was like a time paradox or something. a precious hour just flew by like that. Heh. Okay....nevermind, then comes the performances....how was it? Okaylah....Not too bad. Seeing En. Rahim sing ain't all that bad. He's pretty good! Pn. Viani also good lah......heh. Then there were the student's performances. The form 6 performance was exceptionally good. The others.......one word. Unrehearsed. Can't blame them eh? The exams were just over. Total bullcrap of the teachers to put it on this day. They could've have it BEFORE the exams started, sheesh. Okay, so the celebration is over. Wee. Oh yeah, by the way, the flowers that Interact made....totally cool. The female teachers actually tied them to their hands! And students alike, some of them collected a few of them and made a bundle! Coolness....

So, was that the end of the day? No........not so fast. It was the interview. There's alot to say about this thing. Where to start? Yeah, since two days ago, I was pretty hyped up about it. Who won't be? A chance to be on the main board! After being assistant for such a long time, it's a great treat. So, I haven't been worrying about it. Never did. Till today.

After the celebration, I was supposed to be interviewed already. Along with a few of my buddies. But I insisted on going first. Bad idea. I've always like to go first on ocassions like these but I never thought this one would be so.......bad. So, I walked into the room. Alone. There were the 'big' bosses there, including Sara, Kishok and gang. They weren't intimidating. Okay, so I took a seat. Looking at them, I crossed my legs. Then they started asking questions. Oh my. It all went pretty smooth until towards the end. They started giving me all these questions that I've never thought I'll need to answer. It was too much man.....At the end of the interview. I was devastated. I was crushed. I was virtually, raped. Goodness I tell you. I was almost trembling when I walked out. Total disaster. So, I walked my way home......thinking of how well it could've been. But no. It's over. I can't change that. T_T Then for the whole day, I griefed. Gah. Stupid interview. Then I took a nap. Lol.

When I woke up, nothing changed. Still as hurt, still as nervous, still as devastated. Diu man.....and I still feel the same now. Very tired. My eyes are like boulders. Well, apart from that, I feel empty too. I still miss......someone. Sigh. Well, I'll have to try and find something to get me off these feelings. What can I do lah.....help me.......

Well, I guess I'll wake up to a better tomorrow! Anyway, I'll be alone at home for the next three days. How sweet is that? The whole hous e to MY OWN!! I'm planning to sing my heart out at home. HAHAHAH. XD
I'll tell ya my 'adventures' soon eh? Hahahah, see ya next post then!

Joe>>>>>>>>>>>>>Out. [Birthday on 16/6]

Tagged.

By Anne Marie. On what? On this:-

I AM: me. No one else.

I WANT: to be with her.

I WISH: she would show some sign of affection.

I HATE: not seeing her, not hearing her, not being to talk to her.

I MISS: her.

I HEAR: voices in my head, telling me to tell her something. ;P

I WONDER: will I ever be famous, will I ever be renowned, will I ever be with her?

I REGRET: not doing some things properly. I wish I got another shot at it.

I AM NOT: a playboy. Do I even look like one? -_-

I DANCE: to funky music.

I SING: everyday. Ask my friends. They know better.

I CRY: ........when I was a kid? I haven't been crying for a long time...

I AM NOT ALWAYS: as confident as I thought I am.

I MAKE WITH MY HANDS: poems, for her. Well, with the keyboard at least.

I WRITE: when I get that spark in my head.

I CONFUSE: people with my crazy philosophies that no one will understand.

I NEED: money? Nah, I need to have more charm so that she'll be mine.

I SHOULD: really work hard on getting good grades. Like how it's meant to be.

I START: to realize that people around me ain't who they are.

I FINISH: thinking how I should've answered that interview.

I TAG: grandpa, shieng.

Well? Yeah. Trivial. Will be blogging later. Again. See ya. Soon.

Joe>>>>>>>>>>>>>Out. [Birthday on 16/6]

Miss.

Errr, not miss as in miss target, but miss as in miss her. Get me?

As we all know now.....holiday's gonna start soon. And that means there's no school. So, that's good right? Yes and no. But the yes ain't too good and the no is worse. "Yes" would be because....yay, we get to sleep really late, wake up really really late, and then just rot in front of the comp or the PS. "No" would be because....I'll be missing her all of the two weeks. Won't be seeing her tomorrow, won't be seeing her for another fortnight. Bloody hell.

So....I'll be really really.......sick. Love sick? Eeee.....I hate that feeling. Why do I have to love.....It's like a drug. It's no good, but you dive into it anyway. Well, I did. Now it's haunting me. I just wanna see her. It's all that I want. But no....I won't be. T_T Help me....

Ehem, enough about the mushy things. So, tomorrow's the interview. It's the day I've been waiting for. From the day I was assistant, till now. I've been waiting. It's finally here. The time of reckoning. It's all gonna be over. To tell the truth though, I've been acting rather harshly these days, blurting my feelings like crazy. Especially on the resigning thing. It was supposed to be a joke. But......nah, maybe it's just the exam stress. Hopefully. Mind games really are bothering. I'll be updating on the interview tomorrow though. So, keep track on me to find out how it went. =)

So, today. Today's boring. All the way. Boring, boring, boring. BORING. Sheesh, sound like Simon Cowell. Lol. Speaking of which, the winner of American Idol 5 is.........

TAYLOR HICKS!!!!

Weeee, finally a change of things. We've been getting all these traditional loud voices with great pitching and it's getting boring. But Mr. Hicks changed all that. He blows the stage by singing while roaming the stage like he was some kind of.......er....I don't know but he's real entertaining to watch. Great guy. It's always fun to see him perform. So........entertaining. Lol. Soul Patrol!!

Katherine McPhee wasn't bad. But it wouldn't be sweet if she won. She's so......boring. There's too many 'her' in the industry already. But well done anyway, on getting this far.

Bleh....I feel so dead. There's nothing to do......That's why I'm blogging. To tell the world my bore....How selfish of me. Oh yeah, today at school, I learnt to make flowers out of tissue paper!! Who taught me? The always great, Anne Marie. Well, it's really easy actually, but it's hard to tell in words. So....I won't be telling how to make them. Lol. If I get the chance, I might take some pictures and show it to ya'll. The flowers are for the teachers. So, there's only a slight chance of getting one for myself. I made almost 20 of them! Haih, heck.

Is there anything more that I wanna blabber? Hmm, maybe. Maybe.....not. Or.....Argh. Can't make up my mind. It's all blocked up. God knows why. Well, let's do another monologue session. Since I'm so free and all. Heh. What should it be on? Erm....let's see......aiyah, let's just monologue about my emptiness.....here goes.

"What should I do now? I don't know......There always was something to do. Now there's none. Maybe I haven't found it yet? Found what? Something to do? Obviously.... But there's something missing. Can't pin point what. But there's something. I just. Can't. Figure it out. There's nothingness around me. Total blankness. It's all so routinic. I just need something different. Something to change the way I do things? Possible. But not the thing I need now. Then what the hell do I need? I don't know.

I go back and forth the stairs. I'm tired. But still, I can't figure out what's wrong. Is it the hormones? The raging teenage hormones? Maybe. Or is it a desire? A desire to do something.......What's that desire? I think I know. I think you know too. But I don't know if she knows. I jolly well hope so. Whatever happens, I just hope everything goes well. My holidays aren't gonna rock. Nothing will, without the very essential essence. Her."

I'm getting old again. Gah. Well, I AM turning 16. It's supposedly my lucky number. Well, we'll find out if it is won't we?

So, see ya guys on the next post. Till then,

Joe>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Out. [Birthday on 16/6]

Over.

What's over? Exams. Yes.

MID-YEAR EXAMS ARE HISTORY!!!!!!!!

Woooooo!!!

Weeeeeee!!!

You have no idea how much I suffered during that 9 days of hell. Okay, maybe you have. OKAY, we ALL have. Well, it's over. It's gone. Outta the window. Heh.

But, I'll tell ya how much I suffered anyway yeah? Hahah. Okay, see, exams started........2 weeks ago. On a Thursday. That thursday was okay.....the subjects were easy. Then, I had to sit for Accounts tuition exams on that very Saturday. So, that means the Wesak Day holiday was no holiday. Just another day of hell. T_T

That's okay, what's NOT okay is that the accounts exam was a paper 2. F***ing hard, I can tell you that. I experienced slight paranoia doing that paper. My hands were shaking, I barely had enough time, and more shit like that. Nevermind!! Accounts is over......at least for paper 2. Paper 1 was next Wednesday. Okay, so I have a one day interval till the real deal of exams start. What was on Monday? Moral.....WTF. Yeah. Moral and....what was that.....argh.....bah, forget about it. Anyways, it was a bloody hectic Sunday. My life for the whole of the next 2 weeks changed starting on that Sunday. Total shit. Okay, so, Moral. What did I do? Memorized all 36. 36 what? 36 freaking nilai's. Hard? Yeah. Stupid? Hell yeah.

I spent so much time memorizing, the 36 nilai's actually stuck in my head for the next two weeks till now. I still remember all 36. I think. Hmm....Let's try one. Kebebasan Bersuara = Kebebasan berucap dan mengeluarkan fikiran dengan batasan tertentu untuk menjamin keselamatan dan ketenteraman.

Correct? Nah. I think one of the words are wrong. At least I'm starting to forget. It was hell. Oooookay, forget bout moral, what's next? Er, can't remember. Won't bother to check anyways. =P I seriously don't want to look at that hedious, hedious piece of paper anymore.

In a nutshell, I've been through all the freaking subjects, and none of them rocked. ALL of them were very shaky and uncertain. Especially Physics paper 2. It was the worst. WORST I tell you. It was so hard, I thought it was the end of the world. On the same day, was Sejarah paper 2. Just as bad. Oh yeah, then, that very afternoon was accounts paper 1. Oh my god. Can't believe I just went through all that torment. Okay, then....Thursday and Friday was okay. EST papers were easy.....Maths was manageable.....Yeah. Then that leaves 3 days of hell. Phew. 6 down, 3 to go!!

The last 3 days were no fun either. Monday and Tuesday was okay actually. Wednesday, which is today, was the main head-cracker. 4 papers on the same day. Physics 1 and 3, PJK and Sejarah 1. The worst papers, back to haunt us on the very last day of the exams. Horrible. But, surprisingly, they were okay! But I still think PJK is a waste of precious time. Useless.

Well, it's over. Finally. It feels short here. But I tell you, the days were strutting like freaking sloths. It was almost unbearable. Slept at 12 every day, woke at 4. To do what? Watch porn? Steal chicken? No no no no no.
I did that to STUDY. Unbelievable? I can't believe it either. It almost made me geek again. Looks like I made it. Hahah.

So, it's the end of the exams and I already got one of my subjects' marks! Which? Accounts. =P
Fast? Nah, it's actually been two weeks since I took the papers. So, it just fits. Hmmm, how much did I get, you ask? Aw, not too good. Just.....

93%!!

=P Not bad huh? I was highest in class and second in all three classes. Highest was 96%. Damn potong stim. Well, at least I was in top 2. =P Was pretty happy. Kembang hidung abit. But ya know, we gotta be more of a gentleman and not boast about it. So, I'm gonna stop. Lol.

Phew, I haven't blogged for 2 weeks and so much has happened since then. And yeah, this Friday, I'm going for the Interact Boardship Interview. Okay, it isn't actually named that, but hey, you gotta give class to something like that right? I'll be interviewing for secretary of course. But if the board decides otherwise, I guess I'll just quit eh? Heh. XD Wish me luck people.....

Gah, and Friday's the Teacher's Day celebration too. Boring. Then comes what? Lemme hear you say.....What? I CAN'T HEAR YOU! WHAT? YEAH!!! IT'S THE.....

HOLIDAYS!!~

Hooray, hooray, it's the holi-holidays.....

Then everything's right all the way to my Birthday.....yeaps. My birthday's on the 16th of June. That's the Firday of the first week after holidays. Hee. Presents pleease? If anyone would read this or remember my birthday anyway.....

Sigh, you know, it feels kinda empty now that there's nothing to do but play. Hehe. Well, we'll get used to it won't we? Phew, that was long. Well, I guess it's just till her for now. If anything happens during the holidays, I'll report to ya! If not....well.....I'll think of something. XD

Till the next post!!~

Joe>>>>>>>>>>>>>Out. [Birthday Is Coming~16/6]

Long.

As in 'Lama'. Or, long time. Don't get funny ideas people. XD

Well, it's been long since i updated this thing. But what am I gonna post today? Hmm....Well, the other day, i was digging around my old files and guess what i found? an essay. yup. An ESSAY. I'm gonna post that essay. Well, what so cun about the essay? I'll tell you. It won the Patriotic Month Essay Writing Competition held by our school last year, that's what. So, it basically stumped every other Form 3 who wrote the essay. [EVERYone had to participate in the competition]. Sorry if I sound ass-holic. But I've got bragging rights.....right? right? right?........Bleh. Well, to tell you the truth, I didn't want to write the essay actually. So, it must've been sheer luck I won the freaking thing. Well, Here's the essay. Tell me whatcha think.

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Singing the National Anthem is Patriotism

The national anthem, a song. A song created by one, to signify one’s country. A song unique to one country alone. A song that belongs to no one else but one country. So, why is singing the national anthem an act of patriotism? I guess it simply explains itself.

The public nowadays, are oblivious to the meaning of the national anthem or just the simple meaning of singing the national anthem itself. The world has influenced a big portion of our country with all kinds of cultures, such as pop, hip-hop or whatever that comes to mind of the public as ‘trendy’. They remember the lyrics of their favourite songs by heart but fail miserably to memorize our short one stanza national anthem. It is quite a shame if you ask me.

So, it really is a big act of patriotism to remember the lyrics of the national anthem when nobody else gives a second thought about it. Logically, it does take a huge effort for a typical 30 year-old nowadays to remember the lyrics of our national anthem for sources for it is limited. They are busy people, the television does not play it regularly anymore and they do not sing it every Monday like us and so on. Therefore, one who manages to gracefully sing the national anthem spot-on should be recognized as committing a proud act of patriotism.

Not only that, singing the national anthem is patriotism because it is a sign of respect. In the eyes of the world, respect means a lot. It is an image projected for everyone to see. It does not only mean that we should show respect to other countries, we ourselves should show respect for our own country. Respecting our own country means showing respect to our own nation. If we do not deem respect for ourselves, no one would even care about respecting us.

Furthermore, just take some time and try to fully understand the lyrics of our national anthem. If you just do, you will realise, it tells about the homeland of Malaysians, where we were born, how the people shall stand united and prosper from it and how the king shall rule in peace. The lyrics themselves are already that meaningful. Thus, making singing the song itself much more patriotic than it seems.

In conclusion, the national anthem should never be treated as a folly. It shall be treated with utmost respect, no more, no less. That is why, singing the anthem is no shame, no joke or whatever negativity it is cracked up to be. It is an act of patriotism, a proud act, an act that makes us all proud to be Malaysians.

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Ding dong. Habisss. Lol. Malaysia Boleh!! -_-;

Hah, so, you think I deserve to win? =P Well, the school people think so at least. Hee. I've got the certificate to prove it!

Oh yeah, by the way, exam's coming. gotta STUDDDDDYYYYYYY. T_T

well, ciao first. See ya'll AFTER exams!! Till then,

Joe>>>>>>>>>>OUT.